Matt Bellassai was born around 1400 BC. Historians disagree on the exact date, but agree he was abandoned by his mother in a wicker basket soon after his birth and sent down the Nile wrapped only in a scratchy blanket full of grass stains, dirt and fingernails. He was eventually found and raised by a family of wealthy Egyptian royals. He grew up to lead the Israelites to freedom.
But nobody believes him when he tells that story. So he has to say he was born in 1990. Like some kind of non-biblical loser.
Loser Matt was raised in the suburbs of Chicago and peed his pants until he was eight years old. Unsurprisingly, he went on to become Alan B. Shepard High School’s Biggest Nerd of 2008, and wore such titles as Mathletes’ Most Valuable Player, President of the Science Club, and First Place Champion in the 2006 South Suburban Science Invitational’s Insect Identifying Contest. Which is not a joke. He has a ribbon for identifying insects in an actual insect-identifying competition. What a fucking nerd, right?
Matt went to Northwestern University where he ran for student body president and fucking lost. He graduated in 2012 with a degree in journalism and approximately one full assload of student debt.
In 2012, Matt joined BuzzFeed as a comedy writer and was Employee of the Month for 39 straight months. In 2015, he co-created, wrote and produced the web series “Whine About It,” a weekly video series where he got drunk alone and violated numerous Human Resources bylaws.
In January 2016, Matt was awarded the first ever People’s Choice Award for Favorite Social Media Star. Which is also not a joke. He has an actual People’s Choice Award in his apartment right now. And yes, he’s tried to masturbate with it.
After three and half years with BuzzFeed, Matt left to pursue solo projects in early 2016. He has since launched a new weekly web series, “To Be Honest,” and a stand-up comedy tour. He is currently working on a forthcoming scripted web series, book, television series and podcast. He is also working on his tan.
Matt lives on the Upper West Side of Manhattan with four undocumented gerbils named Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia. He is single, which should be obvious.
**The Private Skybox Suite includes up to 10 tickets, a $400 Food & Beverage voucher, a personal server, a private restroom, and all gratuity charges.
Any additional food and drink costs above $400 will be billed at the end of the show. The guest count can not exceed 10 people. All club policies and safety guidelines will be enforced. Please note that the skybox is on the second floor of our showroom, and is NOT wheelchair accessible.
With ever-changing guidelines and mandates, please refer to the local government agencies for the most up-to-date information. Customers are expected to take necessary precautions to protect themselves and others.
Management reserves the right to prevent customers from entering the facility who they deem disruptive or dangerous to other patrons.
This show is 18+. Please note, there is a 2 item per person minimum in the showroom. Tickets will be available for pick up at the box office 45 minutes prior to the show.
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